February 2012
1 tag
I have a bruise on my forehead from being smacked with hail.
god dammit
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation. It's for procreation.
Woman: But it can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Woman: But-
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.
3 tags
7 tags
3 tags
STFU, Conservatives: michelle-my-belle:... →
michelle-my-belle:
watermeloncholy:
Guess what the NYT thinks was in poor taste about the Oscars?
maritsa-met:
NOT BLACKFACE. NOT RACIST JOKES.
Nope, it was Chris Rock telling the truth about Hollywood’s racism:
“Chris Rock followed with a racial joke, about black men…
“I don’t think any parent in America who has a child would think it snobbery to...”
– White House Press Secretary Jay Carney
White House responds to Rick Santorum ‘snob’ comment, declines to hit back - POLITICO.com
(via apsies)
Angelina Jolie is looking really thin these days.
4 tags
I can’t decide between giving up Catholocism for lent or giving up the medium fries that come with the Filet-O-Fish meal at Mcdonald’s.
gravy-bowl:
a shooting star is actually someone driving off rainbow road
2 tags
I applied at Disneyland and Raging Waters, and my little cousin wondered why I didn’t apply at Sea World.
I showed her a Google Map of the distance between our house and San Diego.
“It’s not THAT far. Free tickets would be worth it!”
No, child, a 2 hour drive for $9.50 an hour would not be worth it.
“I believe there are too many children who need loving parents to deny one group...”
– Barack Obama
(via loveyourchaos)
BOOM.
(via cacophonouschoas)
Yawn.
I was so bored that I shaved my dog and my mom’s dogs. Now they’re skinny and fuzzy.
This night sucks.
Why the friendzone is bullshit and self-proclaimed... →
arashikami:
By angels-and-angles:
As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…
“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”
and ”The perennial location of nice...
Ron Paul, the "I'm not racist, but..." candidate.
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: My boyfriend isn't excited about sex anymore, because I lost my figure due to pregnancy. Will you pay for his erectile dysfunction pills?
Government: Yes.
